Popcorn Grits? No Thanks!

Some fads bring wonderful new products to a wide audience all at once (cellular phones.)  Some cause a lot of buzz about items which blaze briefly, then retreat to obscurity for good reason (slap bracelets.)  Popcorn grits, you are the latter type!

I received a sample of these Extra-Coarse grits from a local farmer, who was crowing about his triumph at introducing them to local restaurant Niche, whose chefs and clients, he assured me, were "amazed by their flavor."  "Popcorn bread" was the application for which they had become renowned, using a finely-ground flour of popcorn. "All the kernel is in there! The germ is IN there. Every other mill throws that part away. All that nutrition, LOST! My corn's got it all. These grits have it all!"

I got excited too. Popcorn is so sweet and good, grits made from it must be, too.  Plus, I might have a tiger by the tail: a dish we could cook by the ton and amaze diners with at our brunch restaurant Rooster.  Aged Cheddar Popcorn Grits on the menu?  Hell, yeah.

But, there was one red flag in the conversation. The farmer had a zealous, proselytizing demeanor about his popcorn, which CAN be a sign that the product won't speak for itself when one eats it. 

First, let's review what we all know from experience about popcorn: 

1. Its kernels are exceedingly hard before cooking.

2. It is cooked rapidly in oil or hot air, making the starch into pleasurable pillowy fluff, that yet contains trace shards of the inedible, tooth-breaking outer layer.

And as cooks we know the following:

1. Quick cooking without moisture does not tenderize dried ingredients (beans, nuts, corn.)

2. Long cooking with moisture does tenderize dried ingredients (beans, nuts, maybe popcorn too.)

It sounds like it's worth a shot, right?

The farmer was generous with samples of his product, for which I am grateful in that he is educating me at his own expense.  I would like to repay the favor with the following analysis.

Corn or hominy grits absorb 3-4 times their volume in water to become tender, delicious, and comforting.  Long cooking of a coarse grit yields a nice balance of textures from soupy starch to toothsome little chunks.  Popcorn grits measure up like so. . .

Extra-coarse Popcorn Grits at 120 minutes

. . . They can absorb at least 6 times their own volume when cooked in the method of risotto, and STILL contain harsh shards of inedible throat-stinging fiber.  2 hours I spent adding hot stock to these grits, marveling at their tenacity and endurance, only to be rewarded with a tongue-scouring.  The sweetness is there, the flavor IS there, but in the end: this grain brings pain.  

Should some overheated foodie friend tell you they are fixing these grits for you or your family, politely decline. 

Can the talented minds at Niche surmount obstacles like inedible fiber to arrive at lofty culinary popcornbread?  I'm sure they can.  But beware the passionate salesperson; he may just be a little too besotted by his own Kool-Aid.